Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Life Is Partly What We Make It, And Partly What It Is Made By The Friends We Choose - Tennessee Williams


Lo and I managed to catch tickets last minute to check out Foreign Exchange at The Roxy last night, and it was definitely good times! It was a much needed break from the monotony we have been experiencing lately, and it felt amazing to just let our hair down and dance to one of our fav groups. There is nothing better than great live music!



Now more than ever I value the phrase "true friend" - Ever notice that when you make the conscious decision backed with the effort to start LIVING your life; certain friends start to reveal themselves? When I was the insecure Nikole who was confused about her direction, and could barely look people in the eye, I was the ultimate sidekick, the bestie, the BFF. Now that I strive to walk in truth, and have made the decision to get out of my own way, I have found that I have become less appealing to some. At first it stung, as I wanted the unwavering support that I gave others. Then I started to realize that in order for true growth to occur, I must begin to get my house in order, and clean up my surroundings. I now know and have accepted the fact that it is ok to move on; it is ok to organically transition out of a situation that isn't conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Jealousy, greed, and competition are not the components of a healthy friendship.

Once I made the decision to transition out of those unhealthy relationships and interact with those on a much higher vibration, I started to feel much better about myself and about my outlook on my future. It seems as though when you plant yourself in love and support, the universe conspires to send blessings your way, and it manifests into an abundance of joy and wealth. Nothing can be denied to you, if you surround yourself in love.

Wearing:
Top: 25cent Goodwill Top
Pants: Zara
All Jewelry: Forever 21
Watch: Michael Kors

50 comments:

  1. Wow that top was 25 cent?? AMAZING!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Have I mentioned that I LOVE your blog! You are truly an inspiration. You have a calling hun and it looks like you are answering to it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are beyond fab! A true beauty...inside and outside.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with the anonymous above me and actually with all the other people above :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SO.true. It's disheartening to see so many fall by the wayside, but once you really start LIVING, it turns into a lightness that I can't readily explain. It's a wonderful feeling though. =D

    SOMEDAY I'll catch you two in the streets...LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is the reason why I love reading your blog Nikole!!! Your insights into self awareness are keen. It's hard when old friendships start to fall away but one your realize that you are making room for functional, healthy relationships, it doesn't sting as much.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "At first it stung, as I wanted the unwavering support that I gave others. Then I started to realize that in order for true growth to occur, I must begin to get my house in order, and clean up my surroundings."


    I think that portion sums up my entire year thus far. While I've always kept a small circle of individuals that I call "friends", within just this year that circle has instead become a few individuals that can only stand next to each other, arms linked in full support of one another, no insecurities, or negative intentions. As a result, the potential that I once did not think I was capable of has reached levels I could have never imagined would occur in just months, and I am confident in saying that the support of the select few that are included in my hopes, dreams, plans and destiny are as instrumental in making it happen as I am. What's most important is that the relationship is not one that is strictly my receiving support from them, but is also one where I'm excited and honored to have a part in their lives to support them through their journeys.

    I realized this year that when someone is going through a point in their life where they have obviously found their voice, being a part of their life during that time is a privilege and says a lot about your role in your friendships. If someone is at a point where they have to surround themselves with individuals that are not only supportive, but equally driven, yet have decided to not include you in that journey, that says either it was because you were not fully supportive of that persons growth or that you are not going to add to that persons drive (or worse intentionally or unintentionally slow it down).

    Either way, friends are in our lives for a reason or a season, and when the season is one that is prosperous for one and not all, the decision to let go of those that can't support your growth gives me comfort in moving on and knowing those individuals were only there to serve their purpose for a "season".


    I can't even begin to say how much this "season" we have been supporting one another has been the "reason" for so much of my own continued confidence and blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I've been meaning to ask if you could reccomend any good inspirational books?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Can you please tell me what lipstick your friend Lo is wearing? Oh by the way you two are my fashion + hair crushes. And a true friend is a very rare find *priceless*

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love the first picture You and your friend always look great you both have great hair and great style!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I have to agree with his hers... "...I wanted the unwavering support that I gave others."
    That really spoke to me.

    It's so true, so sad, and all so necessary for growth.

    I love FE and I see you got a nice picture of my Boo (in my head) DBrock. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like I've said before you & Lo's friendship is so Beautiful! Wish you both much success!

    ReplyDelete
  14. omg nikole your are truely 1 of a kind. ive been following u for a while but never felt compelled to write a comment until now--- you seem like such a nice and warm spirited person and on top of that you are gorgoeus!!!!! keep doin what your doin and stay positive as always. that is all lol

    ReplyDelete
  15. One word, WOW.

    (Exhale), currently I am still experiencing the cleaning of negativity in my life and at the end of this stage, I'll be moving to a new surrounding to pursue my dream. Letting go of negative energy is not always easy....but it really takes time and love for yourself to really let go.

    This post spoke to me in many ways....true friendship, pursuing dreams, and finding yourself through the storm. The way Lo and you exhibit the true meaning of friendship is a BEAUTIFUL thing...how you "root" for the other, without any competitive spirit in mind...so hard to find women today that allow themselves to love not only themselves, but other women.

    Keep blogging, because not only do I enjoy the aesthetics of your blog, but the positive energy you put out.

    Peace,
    CherryBubblegum

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love you and Lo's look! Very pretty. I had teh same revelation about friends a couple years ago. I had a friend who I had been best friends with since 5th grade. We did and talked about EVERYTHING like besties do. The thing is I have always felt like she was jealous of me in some capacity. My personal life was much different than hers, so to speak. While being a senior high school I was going thru some very bad situations, my mom's house was being foreclosed, my sister and her two children were living with us and I was going thru alot.. I went thru a depression stage were I did not want to talk to anyone and I just wanted to go to school work and home. I even stopped talking to my BFF b/c I was that DEPRESSED. I worked almost fulltime in high school as well..needless to say, my bff stop talking to me, she never said friend what's wrong, are you okay? nothing. even when we graduated taht yr we said nothing to eachother. We both went to college, me out of state, her, in state, we decided we need to squash and hash eveything out. we started talking again teh summer after out freshman yr.. long story short, I invited her to coem see my new place out of state and we were going to make a trip out of it and bond, and she never answered her phone..we went out a few times together that summer and would see old friends and they would comment and say "Eva you are still beautiful, referring to me, and she would say, well they say that b/c they have never seen other beautiful black women like in DC, MD, philly...WTF right? and she would be dead serious..I never thought or said naything like taht to her and i never paid her any attention when she would say it bc i kno who i am..situations liek that always made me feel fake bc i dont think a friend would say ish like that...whenever i might mention i was going thru a rough patch, she would say u r always going thru something..lol..and actually laugh! so fast forwarded once again..we occasionally speak, sh eis about to graduate from college..by this time I feel like our friendship forced bc we arent nearly as close as we use to be but bc we have been for so long we try to stay in contact..she garduated from college and I didnt go, the same day we garduated my father whom i have not seen in 20 yrs comes to see me!! i felt kind of bad about it but i remind myself she has never made an effort to be there for me..she has a baby, i did not go to her shower..she left me a scathing voicemail telling me about how upset she was..at teh time i was working all teh time bc my mother lost her job and i had to help her out..Instead of her saying hi havent talked to you hope ur okay..she was being rude..we talk like 5 or 6 times a yr i did not understand why she was so mad..this relationship was so heavy on my heart, i felt so much better when i wasnt around her, tell me do any of you think i was wrong? the friends I surround myself with now are nothing liek this..at teh end of teh day i just think we outgrew eachother..thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
  17. totally cute top for freaking 25cent! and life transitions are always amazing, feel so enlightened and free after figuring some things out, weeding some people/things/feelings out and LIVING

    http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. I definitely needed to read this today!! We often become so wrapped up in this "friend/bff/relationship BULL" that we allow every bit of life and sense of self to dry up. I've always been VERY different than my "closest" friends, but viewed it as more of a curse than a blessing. I applaud you!! I hope that the past 26 years of "kinda" being myself is just that... THE PAST!!

    keep 'em coming girly :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think it's a part of life and getting older and wiser that we lose friends but gain truer ones in the process. I think it's a moment in life that you snap out of the haze and realize this is all for a good reason and I can only become better as a result. I cleaned up my friends a couple years ago and feel just great about the small circle of true friends I now have. No regrets. And I'm sure you won't have any either. They say if you have one true friend, you have more than your share. I couldn't agree more as they are truly hard to come by.

    You look great in this outfit by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great post hon. This came at a time when I really needed it, like you read my mind. Thank you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Girl you really speak the truth! I have definitely experienced this and have lost many "friends" (some I have had since grade school) once things started really happening for me. It was hard to accept in the beginning but as long as you have at least one genuine person in your corner, it starts to matter less and less each day. Great message!

    ReplyDelete
  22. 25 cent top? Awesome!
    And so true about friendships. Once I decided to let some faux-friends/associates go, I noticed a shift in my life and I haven't looked back since.

    ReplyDelete
  23. OMG, I luuuuuuuv The Foreign Exchange! You guys looked great and already know that that was a great show. I saw them live last summer and they were awesome.

    I totally agree with you on your revelation. Like Lo I've always had a pretty small circle but in the past 2 years, I've been letting go of people with unhealthy and/or negative energies stick around in my life and get the best of me. When I started to speak up for myself more and put more priority in my best interests, most saw their way out and others I had to show the door. It hurt at first but I realized that I had to let them go. Real friends accept you for who you are and inspire you to be a better person. They don't criticize, weigh you down or smother you, aren't in competition with you and aren't about what they can get from you.

    I've grown to realize that I'm ok without having a bunch of "friends". I don't have to have a lot of them. As long as I have positive ppl around me who love me that's all that matters to me. After letting go of so many of those people, I feel so much lighter now and it sounds like you do too. :D Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have that ring you have on in you pic. when I saw it I thought that is forever 21! I love that ring. Wish I can find another one <3

    ReplyDelete
  25. Next time stop by Hustler!! I'm an Asst. Mngr there...
    You girls are FAB!!

    -Ayanna J

    ReplyDelete
  26. Your outfit is so hot, and I love going to the ROXY to hear live music, it beats the weird music they put on the radio. You and Lo look fab, and I'm her belt.

    -xo

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm not sure if you actually read your comment but I feel like this situation is true to sooo many people.. i've seen my sister shed ALLL of her friends and find a new group... I also lost friends that I had anywhere between 2-10 years because we were growing differently. Some didn't want to be apart of my dream or vision, some wanted to recieve support and never give any, some couldnt tell you the definition of a friend if they tried.. of course I was distraught but now I chose to surround myself with people with my best interest in mind. There is nothing like a healthy positive friendship.

    xx
    josie
    www.straightNOchase.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. Amazing!!!!.. I really needed this.. perfect timing!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. You find the BEST deals! Love the outfit!

    P.S. There is nothing like great friends

    My Posts on friendship: http://encourageanduplift.blogspot.com/search/label/Friendship

    ReplyDelete
  30. True friendship is sooo valuable - truer words have never been spoken

    ReplyDelete
  31. Nikole, you and Lo are two fly, relevant young woman. Love the style and attitude...Keep doing what you're doing because you do it soo well. Please let me know where you got the Marelle Waist/Clutch Louis Vuitton bag. I know for a fact that style is no longer in production. Love the Blog.....peace!

    ReplyDelete
  32. FYI, Nic you and I are "BFFs in my mind "as Wendy William always says. Rockin'Macs Ruby Woo thanks to you. Thanks for sharing...you are an absolute worth of style, information,intelligent and beauty. Have you and Lo ever thought about a "reality show"?

    ReplyDelete
  33. I agree! Sometimes in life it's good to do a little spring cleaning. Life is too short to be surrounded by negativity.

    ReplyDelete
  34. What an amazing and insightful post Nikole. Love it. Do your thing girl!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Love it thanks for sharing Nikole! There is nothing wrong with moving on. Onwards and Upwards ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Thanks for sharing these lovely insights on friendship. This is a topic that I struggle with. I am trying to revise, reclaim and recharge my own life. From time to time I wonder who will still be in my life when I come out of the other side on this. Your post just confirms for me what I already knew. Friends complement who and where you are in your life. Anyone who is trying to prevent your personal growth is not truly a friend!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is an EXCELLENT post! So true. Not everyone is adaptable to change as others, which is understandable as change can be difficult. But change is inevitable. I think most people struggle with this. In time, friends do reveal themselves, or it perhaps it could be that you have started to grow as a person, and you are now unable to see this friend as you once did. I often ask myself now "Why did I hang out with this person?" or "What did I see in her that made me like her?"

    I too have been trying to change things around in my life. I want to start living for myself and explore things that make ME happy. And with that, I have lost a few friends, but in the process, gained soooo much more. I've learned how to love my myself.

    BTW- you're quite the fly one lol. Love the 'fit ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  38. this is a very inspiring post! Plus, you two are my makeup inspirations--love how you girls rock bold lipsticks effortlessly! jw, does Lo have a blog also?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Surrounding yourself with love is definitely the key to being happy. I truly 2nd that.

    ReplyDelete
  40. great post and pics!!! looks like you ladies had alot of fun!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Great words! I dont have a lot of friends as much as I used to...
    As we all got older, we changed/matured & grew apart. Sometimes friendships just can't go on. The number of friends I've had dropped a lot over the years; and for good reasons. I agree with your last sentence all the way.

    Your outfit was really hot! nice pics

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thanks so much for your openness...I can really attest to your "cleansing" as a testament to my own moves in life. It resinates so much better when I read your thoughts and realize that i have been feeling the exact same way.... We can't move forward unless we let go of certain people and circumstances, that are holding us back...I appreciate you and thank you for your blog!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. i never posted on your blog before but i LOVE your hair, LOVE your blog and this one in particular was very valuable. i went through a similar metamorphasis, shedding old relationships that were draining. my circle got a bit smaller but some new, healthy energy was able to come in and i'm happier!! stay fabulous girl!

    ReplyDelete
  44. You make such great points about friendships in this post. I have never been one to hold on to friends that were negatively impacting my life. For a while I thought I had gotten rid of the non "true friends", until recently it came to my attention that someone that was close to me that possessed all of the negative components you mentioned (Jealousy, greed, and competition) and then some and am currently in the process of transitioning out of that situation. This came right on time!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Awwww look at you fly chicks!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. ok, how about I was only looking at the damn pix and didn't read the blog.... very well said!! You've always been the great advice giver.... and I love how u said once you got out of your own way... you shined, so proud of you and what you are doing with your many talents! Its like watching a flower blossom! =}

    ReplyDelete
  47. This post is very inspiring to me! It is a sermon wrapped in beauty, style and grace!

    I am where you and Miss Lo where a little while ago when you made this decision. Wow! I can just say my heart TRULY feels you!

    It's amazing the dynamics we have with people. It's amazing that sometime's as you grow you literally CAN'T stay around some people. Not because you don't love them but because to do such will keep you stuck... Low...

    I like what you said "surrounding yourself with people of higher vibrations"... Yeah that! LOL!

    Anyway blessings to you! Keep on your journey girl! I know I am ready to take off on mine!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Very encouraging words for my day! It spoke to my inward self, and echoed what I had already been journaling over the last couple days.

    You are beautiful, inside and out. Take care.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails